Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
