Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
