apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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