An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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