dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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