I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
