Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize