Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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