remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Your tits are I can't wait for
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
