There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
