Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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