You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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