Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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