is your mom at the bar?
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
