was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
