I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
