My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
