hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I think my moral compass just broke
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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