It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
