when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
