You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
