I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i out mim tonsoeep
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
