I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
