so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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