When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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