Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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