I am midnight drunk by noon
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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