Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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