No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Fuck appropriateness.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
