He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
