are you still at the devil's house?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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