DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
