why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
