I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
