So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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