I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
