I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
