The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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