but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
