How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
