his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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