remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
