so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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