i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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