He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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