why didn't you poke me back
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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