I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
