is wine microwaveable?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
