I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
