I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
