and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I need a beard to bite.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
