she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Slut skills are useful in every country.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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