I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
