Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
