Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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