There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
PANTIES FOUND
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