Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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