Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
