saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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