The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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