We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
