Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
