do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I looked at my own cervix.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
