Only a mothe r could love this liver
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
