he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
