Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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