She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize