i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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