..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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