I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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