If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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