what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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