he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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