roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
we're making bets on your personal life
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
