Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
