She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
