We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Operation Purity has been aborted
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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