People in love make me want to vomit
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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