there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
