Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
