I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
even my farts smell like vagina
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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