I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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