If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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