M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
