Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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