Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You took a bar mat shot.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
