You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize