Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
