It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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