Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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