Fine. I'll sleep in my office
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
