no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
