Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
