You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm at about main and main street
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
