Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
