how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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