apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
