Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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