Swine flu. Run for my life!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
