I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
