my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize